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Bern #
I came to Eastdale looking for guide work, leading people through the wilderness. Don’t really like people much. Animals are much simpler, I know where I stand out in the wilds. Difference between a dog and a wolf and a cat you can see and smell and taste. Humans, well, some of us will lie to ya and cheat ya and kill ya and we all look the same. But sometimes ya need stuff only humans can really do. Talk, even if it’s just listening in a corner at a bar. Metal tools. Alcohol. Can’t do everything yourself and then you have to do something else to pay for it.
Anyways I heard this group talking. They found a map. Oom of the snake, something like that. Wanted to go explore. Said I would take em there and back for a share of what they found. They hired on a few other folks. Not my favorite thing but the wilds will eat the unworthy (and sometimes the worthy). More swords help even if I wish some of them would just SHUT UP – Les the Lesser, nature chick, looking at you. Come to think about it she doesn’t even have a sword. Oh well. Maybe she’ll get eaten first. Works out that way. That’s the law of nature: eat or be eaten.
We set out following the road. One of the clients was holding us all up by wearing plate. Lesser Les asked me to find a mule, so I did. Didn’t know she was going to steal it. Didn’t really care, come to think of it. It’ll be a shorter life but a more exciting one. Mebbe not so much fun carrying Sam and his mail on your back, but who wants to live on a farm?
This oom thing, two, three days away by road now that we’re making better time. We stopped for the first night at a camp with a spring I’ve used before. Good source of water, and I fed the new hires from berries and nuts I know. I shared a watch with Les. She just natters on. Probably thinks I’m listening. Truth is, anything approaching the camp will hear her first and miss me.
We had a group of men approach the camp overnight, hoping to refresh their water supply and trade. We ain’t got no claim on nature’s bounty. They told us a little of the lands beyond in trade for the goodwill. Snakes, poison, cursed, don’t go. The usual. But it turns out they have some remedies for the poisonous animals near the place where we’re going. They just last for a few days, but they may save a life. Maybe even mine.
I negotiated a trade. I had picked up some caltrops in town; nasty little things, ruin a horse’s hoof if it steps on one. They already said they hated pricks on horseback. So I traded my caltrops for their remedies. No money needed, just the way it should be.
They wanted Perbo the halfling for “entertainment”. He’s not that funny. I asked if he wanted to go. Said it would be good for him. He wasn’t buying it. I wouldn’t either if I were him. Runt of the litter never does well. Good thing they settled for the caltrops. I understand that dwarf tossing is still a thing in the northern tribes, and I don’t think they can tell the difference.
Stria was quiet through the whole thing. What on earth is an ordinary peasant woman doing out in the wilds like this? Maybe she has hidden qualities. Maybe she is just tired of life and wants a quick death. Guess we’ll see. Certainly doesn’t draw attention to herself. Got something in common there.
The next day we left the road and I was back in my element. Camped near water again. I took another watch with Les the Less-Silent. This time we were joined by Landon, an elf with a lembas problem. Can’t stop talking about it. Didn’t have the heart to tell him that stuff’s just biscuits and sugar. Coulda baked some up if we had a campfire. Not cause I care; just to show him I know how to make his elf stuff.
But before I could get to cooking he spotted some orcs with his elf vision. That shit’s cheating. They were mostly bypassing our camp, fleeing from something, but a few of them caught sight of Landon’s pointed ears and decided to go for fast food. I slipped off into the night while the elf ran screaming for the camp.
The druid did something useful and lit up the front orc. That one died quickly as did the one behind it. The last one was heading for Slim, our muleman. I came out of nowhere swinging like a berserker to distract it, and neat as a trick Landon’s halberd poked right through his forehead from behind. Red in tooth, claw, and polearm.
Perbo got a short bow instead of coin. Another victory for barter. They had two more short bows and three scimitars. We picked them up – one orc’s trash is another man’s treasure – and went on.
Finally we made it to the oom. Parked the mule just a little inside and followed the map deeper in, past some smashed statues. I took note; u-Heury had been here. The man has a reputation for demolition even I have heard of.
We ended up in a room filled with doors, and some kind of stinking pit in the center. Les talked to nature a lot. Apparently nature talked back and told her what doors are safe. That’s new. Or maybe I slipped her some of the wrong mushrooms last night on a lark. She did seem surprised when her voices kept talking to her after they usually stopped.
One of the doors had some kind of trap or danger behind it. Another one buzzed. Not very helpful. We carefully checked them all and Landon started opening the safe ones, checking with his infravision. He found some sort of masonry tools in one. Maybe I can pick up a few in case I want a couple rough shelters that last longer than a season.
When Les comes down off the ‘shrooms I fed her we’ll search some of these rooms more closely.